Fu**ing self-esteem

Today I feel horrible. I feel that I'm a nobody and I get nothing done. I can't handle school stuff, I'm lazy. I live in a horrible place. It's cold and dark and I'm ugly and nobody likes me. Life is too difficult for me. I hate people, they hate me.

I hate winter, I hate myself.

Thinner

Tonight I've been browsing through some Thinspiration websites and I've read all kinds of hints on how you can loose weight. One hint was "Get yout tongue, lip etc, pierced so you can't eat", that made me think up one new hint: Drink something very hot so that your tongue will burn, it will prevent you from eacting any hot foods and drinks for a while because of the pain.

About Eniko. I love her in that photoshoot, she's hot and fashionable at the same time.

I found a new model that I adore. Alyssa Sutherland. Or maybe it's mainly some sort of a lust that I'm feeling towards her at the moment. More about her and everything else a bit later.

I'm blond

My fabulous life. I dyed my hair blond a while ago because I wanted to look different so that a certain someone (a psychopath) wouldn't regognise me so easily. Once again, that psycho is something that I don't want to talk about in this blog, it's been a horrible experience, but you know what life is like, you can't always succeed. At the moment I don't have anyone special and that's bugging me a great deal. Usually I'm pretty depressed at this time of the year, because it's so dark and cold, but this autumn I haven't really felt any horrible feelings until now. Right now I wish that I'd meet new people, not just any people, but girls, some nice, wise and honest girls who'd not turn out to be completely wackos (I've had them enough lately). While I'm waiting for someone new to show up, I could definitely use a little nap with Daria in some field.....

Right now!

I'm just hating some of my so called friends right now... They're just so full of shit! We met last night, there were about 7 of us, I can't remember if anyone asked how am I doing.. they're all straight and i'm bi, almost a lesbian even, I felt like I have nothing in common with them. I felt like an outsider. Dunno. Crap.

chAOs

I'm a mess. I miss O painfully much. Or not her, but some little stuff. I wish I had the energy to write more, there's so much happening all the time.

I love Daria Werbowy

watch the video, I adore her, she's my favourite model.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BL1m0W82ft8&feature=related

I have to put some Paramore pictures here, 'cause Hayley's hair is so awesome, I want a hair like that!

Changes come, life will have it's way..

I broke up with the girl called O. Maybe it's better this way. I don't want to talk about it, it's past now and my life is just beginning again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYqcb_fn3CU&feature=related

Too much happening..

There's just too much things happening all the time, I can barely keep up with everything. Right now I'm once again in the capital city, quite relaxed days. My school began once more, I'm having some major problems with getting my school stuff in order and keeping up with my studies.

Dreaming

I had a blog before but my life has faced some serious changes during the summer so I decided to start from an empty table, to make a new start.

The changes started when I had a row with my best friend. We got into a fight in a bar and I left home, but met a girl on my way home so I ended up spending the night with her and her friends. A week later she became my girlfriend and in less than two weeks from that she already dumped me. That was the major turning point for me. I stood up to my feet and didn't feel bad for the relationship that had ended, I noticed that I should have realised long ago that she was the completely wrong girl for me and I was a lot happier without her. I felt like a stone was lifted from my shoulders the day we broke up. I son't know what I was thinking when I fell for her, maybe I was just too happy to meet a girl who likes girls in my hometown or something, maybe it was her cat-like eyes that were the only thing tht I felt sorry for loosing.

The next day of the ended relationship I travelled to the capital city and I decided to live life at it's most, to live as much as it's possible. A couple of nights later I went to a gay bar and needles to say, the next morning I didn't wake up alone.
I spent the day with her. I might as well tell her name, but I'll just call her O from now on. I could also tell you what we did, but at the moment I feel like keeping it all in and not sharing it.
The story of O is still open, I've met her twice after that time. Just yesterday I got back home from her.

I am Zinnia, welcome to my blog

Just stay tuned, I'm just getting started.